The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
