Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
