i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
