pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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