Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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