I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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