And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
