people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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