my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just google imaged poop.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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