Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I wish I only lived at night.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
