you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize