i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
