I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
