I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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