do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
