i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
