I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
