dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
