Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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