I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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