Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
