I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
