i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Sober January is a disaster.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
