11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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