Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
