I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
