Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My day in three words: secret purse cake
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
