she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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