every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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