Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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