So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
