Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
