i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
