Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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