Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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