I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
