Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
