I should be sponsored by Trojan
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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