His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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