I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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