I think i peed on brittanys purse
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
