if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you didnt know i had herpes?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
