I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize