just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
