i was rollin on her like bob the builder
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
