Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
A+ Viking dick
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
