Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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