you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
