I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
