Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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