We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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