apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
