I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
