Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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