there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
