his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
