Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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