I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
