Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
