People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
