where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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