apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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