you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
