i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
