So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize