i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Randomize
