Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
