we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I did not marry a roomba.
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