Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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