I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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