If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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