My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
