I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
