you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
