Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize