Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
