Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
