you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
