some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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