i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize