Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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