shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize