I swear she didn't look like that last week.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
