my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
