She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
