Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
