Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
