New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
