Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
