wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
